Friday, April 27, 2012

sorry...no title ideas

A week or so ago I made a MAJOR decision. A decision of all decisions. Hopefully, this is the right one, but only time will tell.

The decision you ask? Well. it was to go stop taking my depression meds ( I'm not talking about the Klonopin..I'm keeping that! It works just as fast as Tequila, goes with any kind of chaser, and I don't end up with a hangover. (JK...I'm too paranoid about being an Alchy because of my family history on mom's side, so I rarely drink)

Anyway, since I don't have health care coverage, the $120 per month for Dr. visits + the $75 per month for meds are something I can really do without. I'm hoping that I can do without the meds just as well. I still have bouts of depression even while on the meds. HOWEVER..since I've came to the conclusion that my depression is now more from environmental issues than a chemical imbalance (too bad I don't get paid for my medical advice to myself), I think that I can handle those times all by myself with just a little help from my anxiety meds (klonopin) to get me through the rough times (Scrooge's mood swings).

I have learned the "self-talk" that I need to give myself in my dark moments. It's a Mantra now. I tell myself over and over
 "you know who you are. You are smart, confident, and happy...no matter what someone else tries to tell you. YOU YOU YOU are your best friend and YOUR opinion of you matters MOST. You're upset? You're feeling hopeless? Like things will never get better? well, guess what! You thought that thousands of times in the past 6 years, but each time you've came out on the other end. It WILL all work out..YOU WILL be ok."
This has been working for a while. I hope I'm not fooling myself and it was just the good effects of the meds. We'll see. I'm not so worried because I do know how to get help for myself...all by myself if needed. I know where to turn and what the symptoms are. I scheduled an appt for 2 months down the road just in case things start going haywire . This way I'll have an appt. set up so I won't have to wait if i'm really feeling bad.

I really don't like putting certain things in my body if it can be avoided. I've been researching Buddhism a little and hope to use some of the ideas to help me. After the meds, I'm going to work on the Diet Sodas. I know that it seems like I'd want to try to stop drinking the DIet SOda before giving up the meds, but I'm sure the effects of not drinking my dt. soda will be as bad, or worse than, not taking meds. I'm so addicted to it that it is not funny, and this is why I try to make sure my kids learn good habits at an early age.When I was younger and still smoked (even after smoking for years) it was easier to give up cigs than it ever has been to give up sodas. The only time it's been somewhat easy to not drink soda was when I was pregnant with my  last 3 kids. I'm not about to go THAT route again, so I guess it'll be just me and my stubborness to tackle that.

All that to say...I'm not taking my anti-depressants anymore. If you notice 98% of my post are in caps for the next few weeks...feel free to ask me the hated,dreaded question...."HAVE YOU BEEN TAKING YOUR MEDS????


1 comment:

Raine said...

I hope this works for you!