I've been MIA for a while now. I didn't realize it had been so long because I've had so much going on over here. The kids had a couple Dr. appt.s. They all had some little bug for 2 or 3 days. There have been county fairs and math test filling up the times in between. Then the biggest thing is that my oldest son (23) has had a rough week.
He and his girlfriend seperated in September. He lives about 3 hours away from his daughter, so he doesn't get to see her very often. BUT he still loves her mom. Her mom is on her 4th new boyfriend since October. She has been seeing the last guy since around Thanksgiving and they decided they were getting married. Her and my grandbaby live with her parents. He lives with them. Him and her had a few problems. She asked my son to come back. He moved back because the "other" guy was suppose to be leaving in 2 days to go back to his mother's house. "Other" guy did leave, and my son was extremely happy to be back together with her and his daughter.
Then 3 days later she gets back together with the "other" guy and moves him back into the house, so my son is left sleeping on the couch in her parent's living room. When he talks about leaving she gets upset and complains about him just running away again ??????!!!!????? but he's suppose to stay there while her boyfriend is staying there. My son calls me because he's heartbroken. It's hard to tell him what to do, and to let him know that as much as it hurts it will pass. He spent 3 days in a mental hospital because he was feeling suicidal. When I called to speak to him during this time she didn't bother to inform me where he was ....just that he wasn't there right now.
I stay out of my son's personal affairs. I've never said harsh things about her or to her, and I don't act like the wicked step-mother although I'd like to after this past week. Girlfriend hasn't been a mother long enough to know how protective mothers can REALLY be over their children no matter how old they are....she's about to find out though. I'm going to try to hold my tongue because I wouldn't want to make my son's situation worse...but I'm really about to go off on her. I do try to cut her some slack and keep in mind that she's been diagnosed as bi-polar.
As much as I would like for my son to be able to be with his daughter I have to say I'm glad he moved back into his grandparents house yesterday, and will just settle for visiting his daughter because the other situation just wasn't healthy. I wish I could let him know that everything bad at that age seems like it the end of the world, but it will pass if he gives it time. I told him that if he were to hurt himself it would set off a chain reaction because he is loved and needed very much. I would be beyond devastated. I wouldn't even be able to put words to how I'd be. As a result, his little brother and sisters would suffer. His daughter would suffer, and I'd probably never get a chance to be in her life.
He's my baby. We have a special bond because he was raised an only child. It was just me and him for the longest. We've had fights (puberty), and great times, and fights (puberty again). He gave me chicken pox when he was in 1st grade, and I was 26. Then I gave him pink-eye. He painted my face blue, and I painted his toenails red in return and hid the nail polish remover. He's my only child that looks like me. In his 23 years, he has caused me more sleepless nights than any one else in the world. He was born at 25 weeks gestation...he's my miracle baby.
He's my baby and I love him. My Mama Bear claws are showing. I wish my situation were different and I could let him move here. I feel as if I'm failing him ..AGAIN!
3 comments:
It's very obvious that you're in pain. I'm far from it, but I guess you don't stop parenting when kids turn 18, huh?
I hope this situation works itself out. And remember, as long as he's paying child support, that baby is his too. If she moved away, he could force her to move back so that he can see his daughter 50% of the time. Also, he can legally block that boyfriend from living in the house.
Good luck!
mark
Oh, this is hard. The whole staying there while the other boyfriend is there too? I see why your claws are out. And while I do want to award her a bit of a break b/c of her diagnosis, I must admit it ain't much. I simply understand where you're coming from. I respect that you want to stay out of it (and you're right; at that age we all thought everything was world ending) and you certainly don't want to be alienated from your granddaughter's life. At the same time...a talk needs to be had.
@ Mark....you're right the parenting part never really stops. especially the part of worrying about them and just wanting the best for them.
@ Arnebya....that little VERY tiny bit of a break I can give her is wearing itself pretty thin. My son is far from perfect, but the whole moving your boyfriend(s) in and out right in front of your child is going pretty low. I have a hard time sticking to my own philosophy and not judging her, but when my son is involved THAT is easier said than done.
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