Say no to Bullies

I'm writing this post in response to a prompt from mamakatslosinit.com. Try it. It's easy as pie. Just pick your prompt. Write the post. Then go to mamak's on Thursday and link back. Lastly, don't forget to leave some nice comments for the other bloggers. :)

I chose:  4) Describe a time you saw someone getting picked on.

When I was in Middle School and High School the kids from our area would have to ride their various buses to the Elementary School where we had to wait, in what was used as the music room, for a couple other busses to come, pick us up, and then transport us to either Middle School, High School, or the Special Education School. There was one  family who always had a couple of Special Needs foster kids.  Two of the foster kids were with them for at least 2-3 years. Benita was 15/16 and had the mentality of around a 7/8 year old. The other girl, Carol, was around 8 and she was more like a 4/5 year old. I was one of the only kids who didn't gripe and complain when the bus was full and I had to sit in the front seat with them. I even volunteered a couple times to not have to hear all the bitching from the others. My grandfather was blind, so I was use to being around people with disabilities. Also, my dad had always taught me to NEVER make fun of people who were disabled...from a very early age. It's one of the first things (rules) that I can remember him telling me as a kid. Whatever he said obviously had an impact on my young mind, and for whatever reason stuck with me, and I could never see myself doing that to someone who couldn't help their condition.

There was always these one or two guys who thought it was fun to torment them and try to make them cry. They were always teasing them, and back in those days I guess bus drivers really didn't get involved unless there was a physical fight. Anyway, about a week into the 2nd school year these guys started up again. They caused Benita to cry. I was so mad. I stood up and told them to shut up and leave her alone because she can't help it. Don't be a bully! Of course, then the fire of the dragon came down on me, but I didn't care. I thought they were idiots, and didn't care if they like me or not. Later they realized they couldn't get a reaction from me and left me alone. I'd like to say that they left Carol and Benita alone after that. They did let up but didn't leave them completely alone. I began talking to Carol and Benita and tried to make it a point to do that on a daily basis. Even if I didn't sit with them I would always try to say "hi, how are you?"

Carol, the youngest girl, never talked that much. One day soon after that one day she arrived at the little room one morning where we would wait for our bus. She had picked a little dandelion and ran inside and gave it to me and a hug without any warning or saying anything. Even at 13 and being concerned with looking "cool" I almost cried. I am still happy that I could have had that much effect on her and I hadn't even realized it. I guess I was the only one who had made the effort to be nice. I occasionally wonder where they are now and how they're doing.

The Flip Side:
When I was 15 there was a girl (my age) who several people picked on. People I wanted to be friends with. I picked on her for about 3 days over the course of one week. I don't even remember what had sparked all the teasing this particular week. For the reasons I mentioned above, I felt horrible, and confessed to my dad what I had done, and that I felt really bad about it. He said that I needed to apologize, and not just apologize, but if I wanted it to seem sincere I should make the effort to befriend her...if she would be friends with me after that. The next day I saw here, standing to herself as usual, and I approached her. The look on her face as I approached made me sick to my stomach that I could have treated someone that way. I told her that I was sorry. That I should not have said those things. They weren't true and I just wanted to be mean to fill some kind of void I thought I needed to fill. She accepted my apology. We were never best friends...but we were friends. I apologized to her more than once during the next year until we stopped seeing each other. If I remember correctly her father got a different job and had to move, but anyway that is the thing that I am most ashamed of doing in my whole life I think.

I'm thankful that my dad taught me to be kind to others. I'm glad (except for that one instance) that I took his words to heart. (to bad I never took his "Pay Attention in Class " speech as serious.  I guess maybe it 's because being nice was just something that was focused on almost more than anything within my immediate family. I still value that today, and I do all I can to never take a stance against someone that may hurt them. Like the old saying "If you can't say anything nice, don't say it at all".  It's bad enough to think about my actions knowing that I apologized and tried to be a friend and never teased/bullied anyone after that, I can't imagine how I would feel if I had been like one of those guuys who constantly picked on Benita, Carol, and many others.

The worst part of it is that I knew how it felt to be picked on because I was on the "outside" too. It's not like I had no awareness of how it felt. I knew for those few days what she felt, but I pushed it to the back of my mind to not think about it. And for what? To please the very kids, who grew into people, that I had no desire to be friends with. (and vice versa I'm sure). Kids who liked different things than I did. Kids who like different things than I did after we grew up. I wish someone would've turned to me and said "shut up and leave her alone..she's done nothing to you." She needed a voice too.

(I think I should have added this one as my confession #4)